(My paragraph) Next, following his aunt, Algernon Moncrieff uses marriage as a fashion statement and a way to move up the social ladder by abusing Aesthetic Principles. Algernon clearly voices his opinion on how important beauty is, so marrying a beautiful woman is a top priority for him. During a conversation with Jack he says,”The only way to treat a woman is to make to love to her if she is pretty and to someone else if she is plain.” In Algernon's social circle beauty gets you power and status. By marrying an ugly woman, Algernon would not be looked upon in the same way. As Algernon falls for Cecily, she tells him that looks are not important. Arguing her statement he says,”They are a snare every sensible man would like to be caught in.” “They” referring to beautiful women. Without Cecily's charming looks, she would be nothing to him. Algernon is not using the principle “beauty for beauty's sake” the way it was intended to be used. He is going to marry Cecily just to show her off like a possession. Before proposing to Cecily, Algernon says,”Cecily ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.” Saying this proves that Algernon only cares about appearances. He doesn't even know her as a person, but marrying a pretty woman will make him look better and more accomplished. Algernon seriously twisted a key Aesthetic principle. Wilde shows how people use the influence of language through the Aesthetic principle “beauty for beauty's sake” to manipulate each other through marriage ad social relationships.
Above is my paragraph. I have changed a lot in it. I changed my second concrete detail to fit with the key aesthetic principle. I think my cmmentary fits in pretty well with our thesis, but if you think I should revise anything just let me know! We all have different characters, so we definietly shouldn't have any problems with repetition. Do you think I used the aesthetic principle too many times? If so, how should I reword that? Do you think my transitions between concrete details are defined enough, or should I work on those?
I really like your paragraph!! It has really good concrete details and transitions, and the conclusion sentence wraps it up really well. The introductory sentence is a little confusing and I would start it differently but the content supports the thesis perfectly. Also, the commentary seems to have a lot of explanation of the quote instead of what you think of it. You used Aesthetic principle about three times which isin't too much but altogether our essay will probably have that a lot, but it is hard find another way to say 'Aesthetic Principle.' I think that you should leave that and when we say it all together in class on Monday then we will see if we say it too much. Good job!!! :)
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph flows really well! Everything seems really thought-out.
ReplyDeleteI think that the very first sentence shouldn't have the word "next" in it. The sentence is a good interest-grabber, but I think you should change the first few words.
The aesthetic principles are the main focus of our essay, so I think it is OK if you refer to them more than a couple times. If you want to, however, you could talk about the art movement and call it that.
I loved the connection between Algernon and his interest only in looks that you made with the quote, "Cecily ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly" This quote and commentary really sums up the point and is the core of our essay. Awesome paragraph!